As it is more difficult to breathe I am in seeking mode. I’m wondering what is happening and why? What is underlying this pattern in my life right now?
It started with a tingle in the throat then the ‘infection’ amplified and took over the whole chest. Potency coalesced (in craniosacral terms) to protect me. Why do I need protection around my heart?
I felt so expansive, so spacious, supported and held by the Breath of Life when I was recently studying at a biodynamic cranio sacral post grad workshop exploring Source Being and Becoming at the Karuna Institute.
I can still hear one of our tutors, the great Franklyn Sills gently saying,“The relationship of stillness with the system will change but the stillness is always the same and is always there (…) Don’t look for Long Tide, let it move you.”
In other words, surrender…
How? I have trouble finding my way to healthy breathing as my inhale is caught in old stories.
How nurtured, how supported did you feel in the womb? How did this first existential relating with another being (in this case your mother) later affect your relationship with receiving support, with safety in life?
The emotional and physical nourishment of the embryo via the umbilicus is later done through the mouth, which is also the major organ of vocalisation, of expression.
How does the level of safety you did or did not feel in the womb impact on the clarity of your life expression, on the strength and confidence of your own unique voice?
When you fall in love let’s say, do you fall head over heels or do you question, doubt, seek answers, assurances, treat anything unusual, unsettling as a threat to your vision of perfection? Or do you trust that each step, each potential obstacle is an opportunity for growth?
If love was tainted with “toxicity” in the womb, with unclear confused feelings around how welcome you were by your mother for example, this could affect your perception of love later in life.
It would probably be more difficult to recognise and trust when real love knocks at your door.
The awareness of the nature of this early experience and a re-layering with “new stories” around what love truly is will alter and eventually replace the original story but there can still be a residue, a negative resonance.
So how about revisiting the state of bliss of the blastocyst (the fertilised egg) before it hatches onto the uterine wall (day 5-7 after conception), before the first attachment experience, before Mum actually receives you. Can you connect with the sense of carefree trusting purposeful and super potent bliss of simply being, of a single cell?
What is holding you at that point is the Breath of Life, pure unadulterated unconditional Love.
I know I reconnect with that joy of being when I am in nature, swim in the ocean, or dance precisely because I feel unattached, free, and I am in love, quite literally, held and supported by a trusting wholly embracing acceptance of my being.
When I was exploring the biodynamics of birth ignition in a practice session at Karuna a powerful Long Tide emerged and I connected with what seemed like that primal joy of the blastocyst: I was immersed in a fluid field which became a field of bright light with barely a sense of skin, while electric sparks set off in my abdomen and my sense of being was whole and suspended.
My table partner asked me how I felt. “I feel love," I replied. "Like love has overcome my whole being”, and I laughed out loud the way babies do as I fell deeper and deeper into this opened cosmos, floating fearlessly in this universal womb.
I asked myself then“how far can I go like this? This is pure heaven!”
Now I think, this is not about how deeper or how far I can go but how completely settled within Love I can be, with no more seeking to do; just being.
How can I let my self be fully received by Love while also welcoming it?
By breathing in unison with the Breath of Life, finding the inner resources and hatching safely, grounded in the universe.
Now to take a deep, fulfilling inhale... and let it go